Are You Self-Aware or Self-Absorbed?

People don't care about our problems, just like we don't care about other people's problems. And this is okay.

But it gets interesting — Most people don't even care about your wins & life-defining achievements, because they're too absorbed in their own wins.

I saw this clearly, recently, when catching up with a high school friend. He lit up talking about his grade 9 rugby season—how his team went undefeated, the thrill of that winning streak. I was in the same grade, I saw him nearly every day. But I remembered none of it.

While he was recounting what was clearly a defining achievement, all I could recall was seeing him lug heavy sports bags and wear that funny-fitting team jersey.

"Why?", I introspected. But the answer was simple. It is because I was living in my own highlight reel. In grade 9, I'd made the 1st Team soccer team and earned the number 10 jersey—the best player spot. I walked around thinking everyone noticed, everyone admired me for making first team so early. And till this day — I am happy to recount to anyone willing to hear, that I made first team squad so early in High School…

Standing there watching my friend's face glow with his memory while I drew a complete blank on his triumph—that's when it hit me. We're all doing this. We assume we know what others notice, what they value, what they remember about us. But we're mostly just projecting our own movie onto everyone else's screen.

This self-absorption isn't good or bad—it just is. But here's what changed for me: I stopped assuming my version of events is the accurate one. When I think 'they must remember this' or 'surely they noticed that'—I pause. Do I actually know? Or am I just seeing my own reflection everywhere I look? That small shift—from certainty to curiosity about how wrong I might be—changes everything.

Sam Madlala